


In the Silence of a Friend

by ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Statement Fic, The Lonely - Freeform, Transcript Format, he's had a rough few months y'all, martin gives a statement, post 159, spoilers up through 159
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23747245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand/pseuds/ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand
Summary: Jon takes Martin's statement after the Lonely.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	In the Silence of a Friend

**Author's Note:**

> title from Known and Loved by Blue Light Bandits ft Joel Ansett
> 
> this has been in my WIP pile since BEFORE 159 came out. It was originally a prediction of how 159 was going to go, and I have since updated it to follow more closely with canon 159.

[The tape recorder clicks on.]

ARCHIVIST: Statement of Martin Blackwood, regarding his encounter with the entity known as Peter Lukas, and his time serving the Lonely. Statement given October 2019. Martin… Are you sure you want to do this?

MARTIN [huffs]: Yeah. Yeah, might as well, right? 

ARCHIVIST [resigned sigh]: Alright. Statement begins:

MARTIN: Well, uh… I suppose I should start after the Unknowing? Tim had died, Daisy was gone, and you… were in the hospital. I, uh, spent more time there than I probably should have but- it’s not really like there was much _work_ to do, y’know? You were really the only one who took statements, and with Elias in jail there just… Wasn’t any direction anymore. Of course, then the attacks started happening, and so it was mostly just defending the Institute for a while. I think I was the only one that hoped you would wake up, I- oh god, sorry, I probably shouldn’t’ve said that I-

ARCHIVIST [dry laugh, cutting him off]: No, it’s- it’s fine Martin. I probably deserved that, considering how I treated all of you, I-

MARTIN [cuts him off abruptly, stern]: You didn’t deserve to _die_ , Jon.

[A brief moment of tense silence, Jon knows where this will go if he contradicts Martin, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t disagree. Martin’s trying to bite back a long-winded tangent about Jon’s self-deprecating half-suicidal outlook.]

ARCHIVIST: Right. Just. Keep going with the statement.

MARTIN: Right. Well, anyway. I spent a lot of time at the hospital, just sort of… Waiting I guess? Hoping you’d wake up. _Needing_ you to wake up. But, you didn’t. And one day… I got a call. And then, suddenly, I was working for Peter Lukas. He believed, or- he _told me_ he believed that the world was going to end, and that we were going to put a stop to it. I didn’t believe it, even from the start, but- he promised that Melanie and Basira would be safe. That he’d protect them- the Institute, if I helped him. You were gone, and I didn’t know what to do. I mean- it had been _months_ , Jon and they didn’t even think you were _alive_ you weren’t _breathing_ and I just. I had to find a way to move on.

[A dry, bitter laugh] Well, I say _move on_. I didn’t have anything to move on _to._ My mum died, not long after that and- well. I think that was sort of the last straw? I figured, even if it didn’t mean saving the world, if I died, well. That wouldn’t be so bad, would it? It’s not like- it wasn’t like anyone was going to _miss_ me at that point. My mother needed me, and Tim and Sasha liked me but- they were all gone and _you_. Well. At that point I was only half sure that you were tolerating me but you were gone, too. I just didn’t have a reason anymore, really. But, at least if I was pretending to do something good for Peter, I could feel like I had a _purpose_.

And then- then you woke up. And suddenly I had a reason again. I thought I could protect you. If I kept his attention focused on me, he wouldn’t go after you. And I was right, to an extent. He left you alone. I had to pull away from you, because he _knew_ we’d been- well, he knew how I felt about you, and I couldn’t let him use that against me. I didn’t want him going after you to keep me in line if I slipped up. So, I pulled away. I did what he wanted and, I let myself fall into the Lonely.

It was… nice in the beginning, honestly. It makes you feel… _numb_. Like everything that’s been making you anxious and afraid and stressed out just fades into the background. It was the most productive I’d been in months, heh. I wasn’t stopping every hour to check in on you and bring you tea and _worrying_ about you all the time.

[Bitter, and brittle with exhaustion] I had- I spent _years_ , Jon, just… fawning over you. Mothering you like an _idiot_ all over some- some stupid office crush. And so when you woke up, it was easier to pretend like I’d moved past all that. Like I didn’t care anymore. And, by that point, I almost didn’t? I had spent so long shutting off the part of me that- that loved you- that I could almost pretend it was gone. Peter bought it, at any rate. I told him what he wanted to hear, and he really believed that I didn’t care about you anymore. That you weren’t the whole damn reason I was doing all this in the first place. And then, well- you know. You heard the tapes. I left them for you. Before we went down into the tunnels. The final part of Peter’s plan went into motion, and I left the tapes so that you- I don’t know. I’m not sure if I was telling you to get ready or- or if I was just saying goodbye. I’d already said goodbye to you once, it wasn’t that hard to do it again.

After I told him that I wouldn’t go through with it- that I wouldn’t _kill_ El- _Jonah_ , he threw me into the Lonely. It was so quiet, and Peter left me as soon as he got me through the door. He vanished into the fog and it was like he’d never been there in the first place. I was really, truly alone there. I really- Up until that point I had been pretending not to care, but in the Lonely it. The beach drowned everything else out. I couldn’t even think properly about anything. All I could hear was static and the waves crashing on the shore. It- it felt _right_ , Jon. Like I was _supposed_ to be there. And… Maybe I was. It’s not like I’ve never been Lonely before. Sasha and Tim were really my first real friends, back when we first started in the Archives. Before that- and after that, really, too- it was just me and Mum, and well. We weren’t exactly on the best of terms, y’know?

[His voice breaks a little on the last word, and there’s a quiet rustle as Jon leans across the table to take Martin’s hand in his own, his thumb stroking gently over Martin’s knuckles.]

[Martin takes a shaky breath] Anyway, that just made it easier to accept, I guess. So, Peter left, and I just- I just sat down. I listened to the waves. I felt like I was at _peace_ for the first time in _years_. It was so calm and still, like nothing would ever happen to me again. I didn’t want it to. I wanted to sit there for the rest of my life just. Hidden in that static. I don’t know how long I was there- maybe a few hours? It felt like days, weeks. But then, I could feel something. It was still quiet but, it was like the fog was _moving_. It wasn’t disappearing, or getting any thinner, but it was shifting, like something was pushing at it and it was trying to push back but was losing ground. And then- then I saw you.

[There is the faint sound of static as Martin falls further into the statement, the emotions from their time in the Lonely bleeding into his voice.]

MARTIN: You said, “I thought you might be lost”, when I asked why you came for me. I asked if you were real and you were so surprised. It- I think it _felt_ real to me, but- I wasn’t sure if that was because I _wanted_ it to be. If there was still some part of me that hoped you would come for me, that _someone_ would care enough to- but I didn’t really believe it. I didn’t actually think that it would happen, y’know? So even though you _said_ you were real and you said you’d come for me and that we had to leave I just- I couldn’t let myself believe it. And so I let myself fade away again. I didn’t hear you again for a while… but I could still _feel_ you. I could still feel you reaching for me through the fog, just at the edge of everything. It was like you weren’t just reaching for me- you were _pulling_ me. Like there was something tugging on my sleeve through the fog, something I couldn’t see or hear but something I could feel, deep inside me where a moment ago it had been _so completely_ empty. I felt something I didn’t think I’d ever feel again, when I felt that pull.

And suddenly I was walking. I couldn’t see more than a foot in front of my face, but I stumbled along for what felt like ages, just. Following that feeling. Letting it pull me. And then, suddenly, the fog cleared a little and there you were.

“Now, listen to me, Martin- l-listen,” you said, and you put your hands on-

[There’s a small exhale here, disbelief and maybe exhaustion startling a little laugh out of him]

You put your hands on either side of my face, and said, “We need you- _I_ need you.” I think that was the first thing that really got to me. You probably don’t remember, probably couldn’t even hear me, when- when you were in the hospital. But the day that I got that call. Right before that, I said those _exact_ words to you. I was _begging_ you to wake up because I was so alone and now you were begging _me_ to wake up, too. But you didn’t wake up, Jon. Not then, and not until it was almost too late.

[There’s another soft rustling as Martin pulls his hands away from Jon, and crosses his arms across his chest]

But- but then you told me to look at you and- I did and- it was like I could _hear_ you finally. I could hear everything and see everything you were trying to say to me. I could- I heard-

[His voice trembles a little and he takes a deep breath, reciting the thoughts Jon had pushed into his head]

“Martin, Martin _please_. You asked me to stop finding you but I _won’t_ , Martin. I need you. Please tell me it isn’t too late. Please tell me I’m not too late, I- I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t let you disappear. We lost Sasha… Tim… I don’t even know if Daisy and Basira are still alive. Please- don’t leave me here alone, Martin. I can’t lose anyone else- _especially_ not you. Not you, Martin I- I _can’t_ lose you I just- I just can’t. Come back to me, Martin. I- I love you.”

[Martin cuts himself off there, for a moment, choking back a sob, before continuing]

You’ve always been my reason, Jon. My reason for burning statements while you were fighting the Unknowing, going to work for Peter while you were in a coma. And then once you woke up, you were just- my reason to keep _going_. And then, in the Lonely, I could see you, and you became my reason all over again. My reason to walk out of the Lonely, with you. Instead of just- giving up, letting it have me. You were a hand that reached out for me, when I had stopped reaching for everyone else.

[Martin remembers that hand, scarred and almost fragile, but familiar and warm. Gripping his so tightly, and pulling him _so gently_ out of the Lonely.]

ARCHIVIST [exhaling shakily]: Statement ends.

[A brief pause, as they both just breathe, settling back into the moment]

ARCHIVIST: Martin-

MARTIN [Cutting him off]: Did you mean it, Jon?

[A small pause, as Jon cuts off]

MARTIN [his voice broken, and so, so soft]: Did you mean what you said? Or were you just Lonely. Like you were before. Trying to get me back so you wouldn’t have to be alone. Do you-please tell me you-I just _need to know_ if you meant it.

[A sniffle, and the sound of a chair scraping the floor as it’s pushed back from the desk. Soft footsteps as Jon comes around the desk to stand in front of Martin. A small, surprised noise as Jon takes Martin’s face in his hands]

ARCHIVIST: Martin, I- I’m not good at this. And you deserve _so much better_ than me, than- _whatever_ I am at this point, but that isn’t- that’s not the point I’m sorry I- Martin, yes. Yes, of course I meant it I- I love you, Martin.

[The sound of a chair scraping as Martin stands up, abruptly, throwing himself into Jon’s arms. A surprised noise as Jon catches him, stumbling back a bit under Martin’s weight, then the sound of fabric rustling as he wraps his arms around Martin tightly. Martin begins to sob as Jon holds him, and Jon, who knows what it’s like to feel so lonely and then to find yourself loved, holds Martin together until he can manage it himself. The tape recorder clicks off.]

**Author's Note:**

> i'm @shorter-than-her-tbr-pile on tumblr! come yell about these ridiculous soft boyfriends with me


End file.
